Monday, December 14, 2009

Germans Are Strange

Here I am watching German MTV, it's well after midnight, and I'm being inundated by ads for some pretty unusual things. Cellphones are the primary means of communication here in Germany. Most people don't bother with a home phone, they just rely on their cell for a primary means of contact. Due to that, cellphone commercials are frequent during the breaks. There are of course the usual commercials for ringtones, screen savers, backgrounds and the like. But this late at night, the products in the commercials get a little more...risqué.

German advertising is a bit different than what you will see in America. Typically, there are long stretches of programming followed by a sizable chunk of advertising. Instead of having two minutes or so of ads, you can typically see three or four minutes worth. This leads to some interesting advertising choices. What is frequently seen is two or three individual ads alternated for that three minute block. It's kinda like beating a dead horse. I swear I've seen the same ads for Lady Gaga ringtones about 20 times in a couple of hours. It used to drive me nuts, but I don't mind it as much now. Although I currently, and seemingly permanently, have Lady Gaga's songs Bad Romance and Paparazzi running through my head on an endless loop. But that's what the advertiser wants right?

OK, now on to the late night ads, and yes, there is a difference. In addition to the usual ringtone ads there are some ads for a more mature audience. Late night ads tend to focus on the adult crowd with offers for cell games featuring scantily (or non) clothed anime characters appropriately called Bad Manga Sexy College Girls. I won't describe the content of the games (see the video link at the end of this post), but I have seen some interest apps that are worth talking about.

Of course, there are all sorts of dating apps for lonely Germans. And judging by the advertising, everyone that uses these apps are half naked and all are of the good looking model variety. That's believable right? Good looking people have problems finding dates too, being home on a Friday or Saturday is not exclusively for the homely crowd. And speaking of the stay at home crowd, I saw an ad for an app that I just couldn't believe, but it was so obvious I do wonder why I'd never seen it before.

For the lonely lady there is an app out there called Handyvibrator. A handy is what a cellphone is called here. You can guess the function of this app (at least I hope I don't have to explain it). Makes sense right? Nearly every cellphone these days has a vibration feature and it would be a simple matter to write an app to turn the vibration on. But I do think the picture of the pink vibrator to go along with the app is a bit much.

There is even a special app for the creepy stalker guys among us. I saw an ad for an app that allows you to take a picture of a fully clothed woman. I know what you are saying: "But Gloss, my phone has a camera that already does that. Why would I need this app"? Well I'll tell ya. What this app does, according to the in ad demonstration, is to scan the picture that you took and remove the, subjects clothes. So basically, if you take a picture of a fully clothed woman the app will (somehow) remove the clothes from the picture and render a top-less bare breasted woman. Personally, I don't believe for a second that this app would be effective or accurate and I have no plans to find out.

Here is a very NSFW video that shows what I am talking about. Germans are strange.